Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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