Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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