just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
