so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
