Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
