Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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