Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
