saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
