I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
