how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
