Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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