3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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