Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
