TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
