ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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