hotel room ftw
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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