How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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