Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just found puke in my bra..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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