i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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