I'm eating all of the evidence.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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