I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
