he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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