what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
