Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
