I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
