I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
