so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
