time to smoke my breakfast
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
