Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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