my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
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I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I forget how to act sober
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