Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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