i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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