u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
