He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
