I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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