we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
