i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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