Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
