I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
