i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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