And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Will exercising make me less horny?
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