Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
