Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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