And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
