it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
