I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
