Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
