Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
