dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
