God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
