Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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