I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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