I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
