Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
