Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
