I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I AM VODKA MAN
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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