I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
