critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
