if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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