oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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