Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
