So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
