I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
