It was confusing and full of hummus
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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