cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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