i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
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I made him laugh his dick is mine
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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