i dont even know how to be here
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
