I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
