Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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