Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I need to calm my uterus...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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