Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
