The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
