I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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