11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
