sarcasm needs its own font
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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