Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
