I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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