I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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