I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
