That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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