Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
