whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
